Pete and Repeat

Somehow it seems like parts of my life is repeated by my children.

In school I was quiet, reserved and not very outgoing.  Yes I was shy and not very confidant of myself.  I was very hesitant of what I needed to do, and there were people who took advantage of that.  There are always people who will bully others,  it starts out in school.  Those who are different, who don’t have the “best”, those who have an odd last name, and those who are quiet will all be subject to those who want to dominate.  Some are physical: pushing, shoving, small hits that don’t leave marks, and other seeming small physical altercations.  Others are verbal and these can vary from right out cussing to belittling a person.  The ones that I think are the worst are those who say they are your friends and then take everything you have.

Those are the ones that really hurt.  You think you have friends, you trust them, then they turn on you.  I don’t remember those days fondly.  It’s why I never want to repeat high school.  I loved learning, but I hated the socialization.  I still do.  It’s part of the reason why I am not good at the job I currently hold.

Not everyone is good at being social, I know I am not.  I’m not sure what it comes from but from my point of view it is like knowing the rules of a basketball game and being sent out on the court with no real understanding of how to play.  It’s a weird kind of feeling a lot of the time, a part of the group yet again apart.  It is a very weird feeling sometimes,  awkward to say the least.

Now it seems as though my oldest is following in my shoes.  He is bright, good looking, kindhearted, and yet, set apart slightly. He does have his quirks, quick to be annoyed, and softhearted; easy prey.  As a mom I want to rush to his rescue and chide those who have hurt him, but I know that would do more harm than good.  The best thing I can do is offer honest advice when I can.

My youngest doesn’t seem to be facing the same sorts of problems, but then again he is a more stolid person.  He is very grounded, yet still a dreamer.

It’s hard to see your kids struggle growing up.  It is harder to see them facing some of the same problems that you did when you were younger.  You cannot rush in and make it all better, even if you want to.  The best you can do is support them and be a shoulder when they need it.


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