Reigning in my frustration

I’m not usually quick to anger, in fact, I’d say very little gets me going, but when it does, I have a hard time putting my anger into a little bottle where it can be neatly contained.

Yesterday kind of opened up a bottle that I thought I had neatly under control.

When I left my x, a little over 2 years ago, I literally left with nothing.  My clothes, my bed, my computer, some dishes, my books, art supplies and promises that “he would be fair” since he already hired a lawyer.  If I had known what “fair” was, I would have moved in with my parents and gotten a lawyer myself.  But I didn’t, my fault and it still burns my tail.

It took most people a year to realize that I wasn’t living with the idiot anymore.  I didn’t proclaim it to everyone, I just quietly made my own life. No one asked if I needed anything.  No one asked if  I needed help. I simply got looks from people;  some “it was about time” and others “what did you do that for?”

So fast forward to just before Thanksgiving. The x gets fired.

Now, before you go, aww  poor guy, take a listen.  For one, he has been consistently late for the past 10 years that I know of.  He would at times stay up late watching TV go to sleep at 4 a.m. and then get aggravated at me because I tried to get him up at 7:30 for work. Eventually, I gave up.  If he didn’t want to get his ass off the couch (he didn’t sleep in bed with me) and go to work he was going to get fired.  Well, that never happened.  He used up his vacation time every year with being late, or just not wanting to go to work and got written up a few times.

Another thing, the man has no intention of stepping up and doing more than he has to. He’s not lazy, per se, he just doesn’t want to put more effort into anything than he has to. I told him many times, that if he pushed a little, learned a few things, then he could move up and be a supervisor. No, he never wanted to do that, even though the supers, never did a good job at anything and he could do a much better job.

So he ends up getting fired because he got into it with another employee. I’m not sure if it was physical, but probably was since he got canned. The fact of the matter is, with this economy, you keep your mouth shut, your head down and let the supervisors take care of things, not have a fight with another employee.  If you have a problem with someone (and over the years I heard a lot of bad mouthing from him about other people) keep it to yourself and don’t take it upon yourself to correct behavior.

The thing that frustrates me is, since he was fired, there is all of this outpouring of sympathy for him.  W!T!F! people!  He was an ass at work and got fired. Don’t give him pats on the back and tell him things are going to be okay.  He had a good job!  He got paid well for the area.  HE SCREWED UP! and all I hear is poor Mark…

I wanted to gag last night when the kids youth pastor asked if things were okay and if the kids would have Christmas. Yea, they are going to have Christmas. The x has an older bachelor brother who has never had kids and bails out his little brother often enough.  Heck, the idiot halves his expenses by living with his GF on the weeks he doesn’t have the boys.  He has a support system that hasn’t been taxed and stretched and pulled every which way like mine has. (over the past 10 years there has been 1 bout of cancer, youngest sister; 4divorces/separations; various medical emergencies including: black widow bite, emergency surgery, and mom tearing tendons on both sides of her foot; along with pay cuts and layoffs.)

You know, I appreciate those that want to help. After all, it is the kids who are going to suffer right?  *grumbles* But you know what?  It has been very UNFAIR that not one person has approached me from the community and asked me if I needed anything.  It has been very frustrating that I stay home week after week because my job barely pays the bills while he goes to bars, the races, sees movies and has a good time.  He gets to play the high life while I lay low and keep moving on.

This is why when the boys are older, I will not be staying in this community.  The “good old boy” syndrome is rampant.  I left a man because he was an abusive ass, and what did I get?  Cold shoulders. Glares. Admonishment that I left a “good man.”

One of these days, I will be very happy to be gone.




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