Out of Nothing…


This time last year, I was struggling. In some points of my life, I didn’t know exactly where I wanted to go or even how to get started. I wanted to write but no one gives you a handbook that paves the way in 12 easy steps.

I have written since I was little. I have the first book I ever wrote in 1st grade, still tucked into my baby book.  I have the awards from high school competitions on some of my short poems and short stories.  I had potential then, but no one encouraged me to write.  No one said “Hey you aren’t bad at this, keep going.”  Instead I heard, “You can’t write, you can’t even spell.” (that was from my mother, and while she will deny it, she did say it, more than once on this writing road I have traveled.)

So after high school I drifted into college, took a few semesters and ultimately came home – there’s a big story there but not going to tell it today- defeated because of one thing. No one was there to support me.

I’m not saying that my parents weren’t supportive, but I never had anyone in my corner asking me how I was doing, if I needed anything, praise me when I accomplished something or frowned at me when I failed because of stupid choices.  The oldest of four kids and raised on a farm, I was always dependable, yet different from the rest. I plod through things, thoughts hidden from the outside world because I want so desperately to fit in.

I know a bit more about the type of person I am now.  Just like many artists, I am insecure about my self and my work.  I am also very cautious when critiquing what other write as at times I can come off very critical. What I crave, what I need is the feeling that I fit in.  That my work is better than just OK. Though it needs improvement, it is better than the last thing I wrote.  I’m working hard at it, and thought you might not see the work, it is there.

So when on Twitter, or FB or on blogs, I go all “YOU CAN DO IT!” or “BELIEVE AND IT WILL HAPPEN!” I am whole-heartedly cheering you on because I know how it is to doubt your self.  I used to get up every morning with a pep talk on  just getting through today, tomorrow will be better. For every down turn, I said six in my head to bring things up.  It worked, because I am in such a better place now.

While I have only begun to climb the stairs that lead to publication, I’m not on the bottom rung anymore.  There is a long way still to the top.  But I am going to get there.

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4 responses to “Out of Nothing…

  1. Boy, do I hear that. Many writers and other artistic types don’t get the support they need or feel supported by those around them – even other writers. It often comes down to grit and desire and, like you said, telling yourself that you can do it just to make it through another day.

    Kinda like that old Doctor Hook song: Life Ain’t Easy

    Keep at it. You’re getting there, really. You’ve got a lot of things going in the writer’s crowd, lots of things that keep you tied in and active. That’s going to help. Really.

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    • Thanks Wulfie, it’s why I decided to be so active in the last few months. Even if it just RT or liking something, it shows my support and I greatly appreciate the support everyone has given me.

      Like

  2. My experience of a creative childhood is fairly similar to yours. Even though I hardly lacked company I was alone in my giant Universe. I wondered about that for quite a while until I eventually encountered similar inflamed minds.

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    • I was creative, but it was not supportive. Without the internet, and all of the friends I have made there, I don’t think I’d be, no I KNOW I would not be where I am now.

      Like

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