How long can you wait?


I’ve always been a patient person.  When I was little, I was the type of kid who sat at the edge of a mud-puddle until butterflies swarmed around.  I’d sit still for hours waiting for feral kittens to peek out of their hiding holes in the hay barn.  Even at a young age, I knew that some things take time and to see the magic, there isn’t any shortcuts. You have to be patient.

Life itself has reinforced that innate knowledge.  Trees don’t burst into bloom until spring, flowers don’t bud until the sun tickles them into bloom, nor do people make decisions until they are ready.

There are days it is very hard to be patient.  The kids take so long to grow up to be adults.  Writing is just one step in front of the other, striving to reach a goal.  Friendships begin to wane as distance and interests pull them apart.

I can look back on a few things in life and cheer that I waited and never gave up. My oldest enjoying reading.  My youngest playing songs on his trumpet.

There are other times when I look back and think on all of that wasted time.  But I look again.  It was a lesson. Something I learned a lot from.

I take those lessons to heart.

I met B 4 years ago on a game that we both played at the time.  When I moved out, we began talking more and more.  Three years ago in May he came to visit me for 3 weeks.  I’ve never looked back on all of that time as wasted.  Having a long distance relationship has taught me a lot about myself and about him.  We both had to learn to trust.  I had to learn to talk about my feelings. There were so many hours we couldn’t see each other. There were times I “saw” him only 15 minutes in a day. And others, we spent most of the day online “together.”

I needed those 3 years to be patient with myself.  I needed to find what I wanted to do with me, because I’m not going to be Mom for much longer. I needed to discover my dreams again.

Now, he’s coming up here.  Soon I’ll be able to hold his hand, kiss his cheek, and tickle his feet.  I’m so excited I’m nearly sick with it.  And of course, there are complications.  There always is with anything in my life.

Am I willing to wait?

Yeah,  I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes.

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